Isn't it almost Christmas vacation?

i know, i know--who am i to complain? it's been an intense work environment since Thanksgiving (we're just now getting around to the actual winterizing work after raising the funds to do so). our wood stove is in the final stages of assembly: there's a hole in our roof and the rain is falling while we're struggling with some unexpected difficulties. i have no doubt it'll be finished by today (crossing my fingers). marc installed our ceiling fan last night, complete with a dimming light and remote control! our cabin is slowly being transformed into something beautiful, kind of like our marriage...

each day brings its own trials and redemption, but the past week and a half has been pretty intense for us. people always talk about the first year of marriage being the hardest, but when you're enamored with your fiance, you don't really bank on the struggles coming that soon. didn't we just get married? we don't even have our wedding photos yet and we're feeling like we're in a pitch black cave with no flashlight. sometimes the attempts to resolve our conflict seem to push us further apart. i know it sounds pretty dim, and it felt pretty dim for a few days. but if there's one thing i've learned through the hard times in my life, it's that you can't let your feelings govern your thoughts and actions.

as i was reading the Psalms the other day, the Lord really spoke to me through Psalm 130. He reminded me of just how perfect His love is for me, so i don't really NEED validation from people. it's so good, i'll quote some of it:

3 If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared.

(i'm so thankful that He forgives and then casts our sins far away from us)

5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope.
6 My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning...
7 O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with Him is full redemption.

i received so much hope from these words, remembering that God really does redeem every sin and struggle. even if it feels impossible to face the issues before us, there is hope in God.

so last night marc and i had an amazing time of reconciliation. God so gently spoke to both of us, convicting us of our pride (what else is new?). He opened our eyes so that we could see clearly how to get out of that dark cave. oddly enough, we were very close to the mouth of the cave, we just needed illumination.

i don't think i can even express how grateful i am for our marriage; i know that the Lord is refining my character and stripping away that which is not of Him (and i mean STRIPPING away!). it is extremely painful at times, but the deep satisfaction and knowledge that i am becoming more like Jesus makes every moment a joy. and of course, there's always joy in making up with your hubby.