Marc's birthday picnic at the beach

the bellies

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

I just wanted to write a quick entry (because I'm in the middle of baking Grammie Fraser's famous Canadian Oatmeal Bread and Elena's Pumpkin Coconut Soup for dinner)...

I've been so blessed lately through this blog. First, my dad must have really felt my pain as he read about our dilapidated printers because he actually bought Marc and me a new laser printer! What a sweet dad I have. No more disastrous printer stories to look forward to.

And just after writing the entry about my birthday dilemma, Levi's wife Jessie wrote a comment, offering for Marc and me to stay with them in Sacramento for the Whole Earth Festival. The crazy thing is that we hardly even remember each other. I think we met 2 years ago when I camped out there with about 15 other crazy hippies from Prodigal Project. How random for her to read my blog, which she found through Rachel's blog, and then to offer their guest room to us. It's been a sweet reminder that the Lord really will provide for us according to our needs. Thanks for being so random and cool, Jessie!

Just to top it off, today is sunny and 74 degrees, with a forecast of sun, sun, and more sun, reaching up into the 80's! It's finally coming! Yea for summer (and homemade Oatmeal Bread)!

me & hubby

May 12 dilemma...

First, I want to say that I married the most wonderful man on the planet. Today is our 6 month anniversary and he gave me just what I wanted: a rock. I've been saying for weeks now that if you get paper on your 1 year wedding anniversary then surely a rock would be appropriate for the half-way-point. And I'm not talking about a diamond, for all you girls who are hearing the song "Diamonds are a girl's best friend" in the back of your mind. I really and truly mean a simple rock. So this morning, while he patiently waits for me to primp for church (since it's warm enough to actually wear a cute outfit), Marc picks out a nice melon-sized rock and tells me that he's going to carve it for me. I can hear you all now, awww. I know, I picked a good one.

Now, the real reason I'm writing is because I need your help. I have a birthday dilemma. This year, my special day happens to fall on the weekend of the infamous Whole Earth Festival. Every year we attend this festival and enjoy gathering with numerous local hippies from Northern California. It's a great family atmosphere: lots of fun music, drumming, great food, and hands-on workshops to learn skills like belly-dancing, bio-diesel, and building with cobb. It's free, so it's one of the easiest festivals to attend. Not only do we enjoy all of the aforementioned activities at Whole Earth Festival, but festivals like this are some of the easiest ways to connect with the traveling kids that we reach out to. In reality, it isn't just a fun festival, it's an outreach opportunity.

When I've been to Whole Earth Festival in the past, we all took our tents and camped out in our friend Levi's backyard. It wasn't all that bad, seeing as how he had a pool, hot tub, and guest-house for families to stay in. We had a total blast, fire-dancing and juggling, swimming and barbequeing. But, sadly, Levi doesn't live there anymore so this year we are spreading out and finding places to stay at various friends' houses in Sacramento. I totally love our friends in Sac-town, but you'd have to see their itsy-bitsy houses to understand: they don't realistically have room for families. (They pretty much have one bedroom houses and their toddlers sleep in hallways or closets) You could put an inflatable mattress on their living room floor, but then their toddlers and babies are light sleepers so you have to be very quiet until they get up. Not to mention the fact that we have a couple of single people who are hopefully going to be able to stay with them.

So the first part of the dilemma is that I don't foresee a very comfortable place for us to stay. And the second part is: I feel like a princess on my birthday and I want to be treated like one. I admit, this attitude makes me feel very selfish and I totally slip into comparison mode: Rachel celebrates her wedding anniversary at a festival every year and she doesn't complain a bit. Despite the fact that Rae and I always talk about how destructive it is to compare yourself to other people, I always fall into the trap! So the bottom line is: I am not very excited about spending my birthday on the road to Sacramento, celebrating with who-knows-what kind of dinner (with our friends or not?) and then sleeping on someone's couch, floor, or in a tent in their backyard.

Now, we could go to Steve and Louise's for my birthday (which is also Mother's Day weekend). That would be great. But then would we drive 3 hours the next day to Sacramento for the same sleeping dilemma? Or would we skip the whole festival? (I would feel extremely selfish) I think that I just want to go out to a nice romantic dinner with the love of my life (and have a comfortable, private bed to sleep in). Is that too much to ask? Probably not.

Do you know what I think the real dilemma is? Now that I'm married and pregnant, I am becoming more high-maintenance. I know I was usually the most high-maintenance girl on tour, because I was always the one to ask if we could spend a few extra minutes at the truck stop so I could take a shower every few days. But it's definitely gotten worse since that blessed day, October 23rd. I just don't seem to have the grace to sleep anywhere, go without showers for days on end, or have no privacy. And that bothers me, mostly because of the dumb comparison game again. It seems like most of the married people here don't need as much time, privacy, and amenities as I/we need. Anyway, I don't know what I'm asking for. Ultimately it is our decision as to how we will spend May 12, but maybe I just want a bit of advice, wisdom, or encouragement. Tell me if I'm being selfish or if I just know my needs and my boundaries. It's a tough call, but I'm open to your thoughts...

our munchie, the soccer player

Well, our Easter weekend was wonderful. Marc and I drove up to Reno to visit the Hall side of the family and celebrate our nephew, Jackson's, baptism. We stayed in a great hotel, ate lots of yummy food, made lots of family memories (not to mention LOTS of potholders thanks to Auntie Rosalie). But one of my most memorable moments happened Sunday afternoon.

We had all just finished a delicious Sunday brunch and Tim and Katie's house and were all lounging around in the living room on big cushy couches. I happened to be sitting across the room from everyone, watching all the action, when suddenly I felt it: thump...thump. Could this be it? I thought it was supposed to feel like gas or fluttering or a bug crawling on your stomach. But seriously, was it supposed to be this defined? An actual thump? I sat there for a second with a silly grin on my face until Jack Reding, Katie's dad, walked over to me. I should have told Marc first, but I couldn't help it, my awe overwhelmed me and I just had to tell the first person I could: I just felt my baby kick for the first time! (Well, the first time I can say with confidence that it is the baby and not just gas) Lucky for me, he knew Marc's place was next to me with his hand on my belly and he called him over.

You're probably thinking to yourself, "Obviously, Megan, you're only 17 1/2 weeks pregnant; you won't feel the baby kicking from the outside of your belly for weeks still." Not so, my friend. Our munchie is a soccer player. Tuesday I sat eating a slice of pizza and actually felt the baby kicking from the outside of my belly. I did run across the food court of the mall just to see if he could feel it, but unfortunately Marc never happens to be in close enough proximity when munchie is practicing his left kick. Oh well, someday.

This morning I began to wonder if munchie has decided to be an acrobat instead, because I think he did a full flip in there. It was very strange. Whatever munchie wants to be is just fine with me...I know he'll be a superstar.

I love newsletters!

Well, despite the fact that I blog about once a month now, Marc and I are doing pretty well at keeping up our quarterly newsletter. He wrote a beautiful letter last week, pouring over it for hours, sometimes editing for days. Thank you, Marc (It's not that I don't enjoy sharing my news with people, but I often find myself with writer's block when it comes time to write the newsletter).

So hubby writes the letter, I email it to my dad, who has this great computer program that formats newsletters. He works on it for a few days, sends me a few copies, which i edit and return a few times (I guess Marc and I are both rigorous editors), and it's finally ready to go. Thank goodness! Composing and editing are done! Time to move on to printing, note-writing, stamping, addressing, and stuffing. Yee haw.

I'm the kind of person who likes to finish projects like this as quickly as possible. I want to print out my happy letters, all 160 of them, and get on with it. But I also want them to look nice. Picture quality is especially important. So when I began printing them out on our stone-age printer with the broken feed tray that is propped up on an ink stamp, I judged the print quality unfit for our letters. ...Let me just try to print them out on our nice new HP Officejet 7310. I bet they'll come out beautifully. And they did. The only problem is, Rachel said not to print them on the nice new HP. Hmmm.

No problem, I'll print out a master copy and send it to town with Marc, who's doing a trash run for the Land. There's a print shop there that will surely be able to handle this menial task. My only concern at that point was that Marc would do the trash run first and then forget to wash his hands before transfering dump-ick to the master copies (am I psycho-perfectionist-lady or what?!) Sadly, Marc called me from town and said they had terrible print quality there and that our stone-age printer did a nicer job. So, back to the drawing boards.

After lunch, I mosey on back into the office to begin printing from stone-age. The first side printed fine, but when I tried to print the second side of each page, the paper would get crumpled up and jam the printer. Or it would fold down one corner of the page and smudge the ink a bit. Hmm. Psycho-perfectionist-lady started to loosen up a bit. (Please forgive me if you received a smudged or slightly wrinkled newsletter) Later in the afternoon, Marc brought in a nice man from LA and introduced him to me. Great timing..."Hi, nice to meet you. THIS PRINTER IS FROM THE PIT OF HELL!!!! Oh, excuse me, I'm just trying to..."

Oh, I forgot to mention, the stone-age printer not only crinkles paper and smudges ink, but the only way to print on the second side is to hand feed the paper, one by one. This means sitting at the computer and commanding it to print every single time. And you know what? I timed it: stone-age printer takes exactly 60 seconds to process the print command. It doesn't even start to print until a full minute has passed. Did I mention that I was beside myself with frustration?

At dinner, I told Rachel my sob story and she agreed that the HP 7310 printed a nicer looking letter, say nothing of the hassles with stone-age, and that if I'm willing to pay for the extra ink, I should use the nice new HP7310. She did warn me that the 'nice new HP7310' has a dark side and that she's experienced more problems mass printing with it, but, wanting only the best, opted for this route.

I had some success with it, until I noticed that if I commanded it to copy more than one at a time, it would pick up 3 or more pages and print segments on each one. Hmmm. Not a problem, I'll just print one at a time. And this I did, until, it started printing out with thick white lines running horizontally across our happy faces. No problem, I bet the ink cartridge just ran out. I change the cartridge (as Rachel warned me it would probably take more than one cartridge for 160 pages), but alas, the lines are still there. Back to stone-age.

At least I only had the second side of about 20 copies left to print, so the process of hand-feeding and printing one at a time (at 60 seconds a pop) wasn't as torturesome anymore. In fact, it gave me the opportunity to catch up on Elena and Rachel's blogs. And it inspired me to write one of my own. Oh, I think I forgot to mention that we ran out of paper, so I had to go to town today to pick up a pack and finish the job. But you know, these are the kinds of things that make our lives interesting. I don't know what I would blog about if everything went smoothly in life.

One more thing, Blue Star is coming to install our On Demand water heater next wednesday. Happy, happy day! Three cheers for hot, running water! ...Not having things for 2 months makes you really appreciate them.

The blog about nothing

I find myself saying, "Self, you should blog again." So I log on to my blog, click on "create new post" and then find myself saying, "Ok, now what are you going to write about?" I ponder the recent events in my life that might merit a blog entry and consider other blogger's talented writing (cha-chem, Rachel Ford)...Well, I could write about how our tools were stolen AGAIN Sunday night as well as the brand spankin' new table saw (don't quote me on that exact tool, but I know it was something of great value). You know, that could be a bit depressing, writing about my friends walking around The Land with long faces all day wondering to themselves, "How many times are people going to break into our locked garage and steal our tools?" Or I could write about how our hot water heater broke last week and Marc and I have been thoroughly enjoying the comforts of heating large pots of water on our wood stove for bucket baths, rinsing each other off with tin-cup-fulls of water. Perhaps God is trying to teach us contentment. Or I could write about how our water source got plugged up three times last week and how Marc so cheerfully donned his rainboots and raincoat and ventured up the swollen creek to fix the water line (one time at dusk-what a man!). Or I could write about hearing our baby's heartbeat for the first time yesterday, exciting, but a little bit anti-climactic after driving an hour and a half both ways just to hear thump-thump. Don't get me wrong, it almost brought me to tears hearing my little munchkin's heart beating in my belly, if it only hadn't taken the Doctor so long to find the heartbeat, and then only hearing it for about 10 seconds. I probably would have cried a tear or two if given 10 more seconds of that blessed thumping. But, in reality, I feel that the life I lead is rather boring right now. So, that's why I'm having a hard time deciding what to write about. I guess this is a natural progression into a new chapter in life; I'm becoming a mother. Someone else depends on me to put my needs after their's... I can't just go on the 3-day hike with my friend Laura when she comes home from Montana this month, even though that is (or WAS) my favorite Spring-Summer activity. I can't go skiing with Marc next month when we go to Reno. I fell asleep reading last night at 8:45. And, for some unknown reason, I can't get my gassy, bloated self out of bed before 9:00AM. I know, I know, my body is doing the equivelancy of climbing a mountain every day. But all these minute details make me feel just plain boring these days! I mean, how many times can Marc listen to me complain that my insides feel like the Goodyear Blimp before he tries to pop me with a pin? It's not all that bad, I get used to my "boring" life and I actually enjoy wearing sweatpants to work every day. And it's not every pregnant woman that gets to walk home from the office when she's craving Mac 'N' Cheese. I really do have it pretty good.

just call me slacker blogger!

i know, i haven't written an entry since Christmas. that's pretty bad. but there's kind of a good reason. just after we arrived back at The Land after the holidays we found out that we're pregnant. yep, a bit unexpected, but a total blessing. it took us a few days, well, actually a number of weeks to get the good news out and i didn't want people to read it on the blog before hearing from us. so, i realize that i still haven't called or written everyone yet, but i figured that if i put off blogging any longer, i probably wouldn't keep up with it at all.

so please forgive me for not blogging! i just signed on today for the first time since the holidays and read all your comments...if you're still reading this, thanks for the advice and the shout-outs! shannon, i did get your card and put up your photo on our little fridge :) and, my new last name is Hall.

well, i know this is a short entry, and frankly, it's probably the most un-creative journaling i've done thus far. but at least i'm back in the game. my lovely husband is beconning me to lunch, so i'll sign off for today. lovin' you!

Christmas on the slopes!

so i thought we were going to maine when mom announced that she was planning a top secret christmas suprise this year. it made perfect sense: marc hasn't even met my aunt valerie, uncle scott and cousins, heather and cody. nor has he visited the Fraser Farm yet. and we have lots of winter memories from christmases spent in Maine: digging tunnels in huge snow banks, tobogganing down the big hill behind scott and val's house. bundling up all cozy and playing in the snow until you had icicles growing off your nose. then running inside to a mug of hot cocoa. the crackling fires every night and let's not forget: the tradition of opening one present each day for the week before christmas!

well, we only have 3 days together with ethan and caroline so mom searched around for some fun winter activities in the chicago-indiana-michigan area. we had our family christmas tree last night and our last present involved instructions to be ready for a 7:30 departure this morning...good thing for mom that she decided to inform us of some of the adventures we'd be embarking upon this weekend: skiing(basic, easy slopes), ice skating, horse and buggy rides, swimming and hot tubbing...i think getting up at 7:00AM will be worth it.

we ended up driving through a bit of rain and having a mild day so we were happy to wait to hit the slopes till tomorrow. instead, we leisurely enjoyed our private suites, complete with whirlpools for 2; swam in the indoor waterpark, hot tubbed outdoors and napped between activites. it's been a day filled with good family fun. lots of hoots and hollers riding down the water slides in intertubes together and moseying along the lazy river. i haven't been to an amusement park or water park for years and i feel like a kid again. it's so refreshing. and alas, it's time to get out of the p.j.'s again and head to town for dinner. too bad i can't go to dinner in my pajamas. they're slowly becoming my favorite outfit :)

Phew!

yes! it's officially the holidays. the christmas music is filling the house. marc and i went to our first christmas party last night, the famous Balzer holiday party: lots of people, lots of gorgeous hors d'euvers, a delicious white chocolate bread pudding with caramel rum sauce and let's not forget the chocolate fountain for your drizzling pleasure. a lovely evening followed by a long, restful sleep and a lazy, cuddly morning.

marc and i are so thankful to find ourselves caught up in the season after working some long hours the last couple of weeks. i'm NOT complaining. we've accomplished a lot in these past few days: our cabin has been warm and cozy thanks to our new wood stove, but we are ready to have more time to enjoy each other as well as our families.

our first christmas together. i think we might go buy an ornament together. i love firsts. ...that reminds me, sammie (our pet rat) finally ventured down her ladder (hand-crafted with love, by her daddy). she mustered up the courage to meander down that ladder. now she runs up it and launches from the top of her cage into the bedding below. she even has the nerve to steal our christmas cards and make her bed with them! she's becoming a little rascal after being a scaredy cat for weeks! i hope she behaves for derek :)

well, the christmas decorations are calling me, "Come and get me out of storage"...
hope you're enjoying this day as much as i am.

Isn't it almost Christmas vacation?

i know, i know--who am i to complain? it's been an intense work environment since Thanksgiving (we're just now getting around to the actual winterizing work after raising the funds to do so). our wood stove is in the final stages of assembly: there's a hole in our roof and the rain is falling while we're struggling with some unexpected difficulties. i have no doubt it'll be finished by today (crossing my fingers). marc installed our ceiling fan last night, complete with a dimming light and remote control! our cabin is slowly being transformed into something beautiful, kind of like our marriage...

each day brings its own trials and redemption, but the past week and a half has been pretty intense for us. people always talk about the first year of marriage being the hardest, but when you're enamored with your fiance, you don't really bank on the struggles coming that soon. didn't we just get married? we don't even have our wedding photos yet and we're feeling like we're in a pitch black cave with no flashlight. sometimes the attempts to resolve our conflict seem to push us further apart. i know it sounds pretty dim, and it felt pretty dim for a few days. but if there's one thing i've learned through the hard times in my life, it's that you can't let your feelings govern your thoughts and actions.

as i was reading the Psalms the other day, the Lord really spoke to me through Psalm 130. He reminded me of just how perfect His love is for me, so i don't really NEED validation from people. it's so good, i'll quote some of it:

3 If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared.

(i'm so thankful that He forgives and then casts our sins far away from us)

5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope.
6 My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning...
7 O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with Him is full redemption.

i received so much hope from these words, remembering that God really does redeem every sin and struggle. even if it feels impossible to face the issues before us, there is hope in God.

so last night marc and i had an amazing time of reconciliation. God so gently spoke to both of us, convicting us of our pride (what else is new?). He opened our eyes so that we could see clearly how to get out of that dark cave. oddly enough, we were very close to the mouth of the cave, we just needed illumination.

i don't think i can even express how grateful i am for our marriage; i know that the Lord is refining my character and stripping away that which is not of Him (and i mean STRIPPING away!). it is extremely painful at times, but the deep satisfaction and knowledge that i am becoming more like Jesus makes every moment a joy. and of course, there's always joy in making up with your hubby.

today is an exciting day for the residents of cabin c...

there is a brand-spankin new wood-burning stove waiting to be installed in our cabin.

once again, we are trying to learn how to do maintenance and repairs on The Land without hiring professional help. this morning marc and i woke up with a bit of concern that something wouldn't quite be up to par and we'd end up with raindrops joining us in bed tonight. honestly though, there comes a point where you just have to choose to trust your family as well as your Dad and hope for the best...

we came to this realization after marc expressed his frustration at the continuation of the do-it-yourself attitude which has been prevalent in this ministry for years. (it really is a cultural thing, i guess. hippies like to be resourceful and creative, but many times their creations end up breaking quickly and looking shoddy.) he attempted to share his concern this morning when we met with derek and curtis for devotions; however, it came across to derek more like an attack on his ability to accomplish the task at hand. in the end, marc and derek learned how to communicate like a family does: sometimes with frustration, but always attempting to extend grace to one another and seeking to understand the hearts of others.

ultimately, we all had a fresh reminder from the Lord that our hearts are all stained and dirty: we are constantly seeking to satisfy our own desires rather than looking to serve others. i was humbled as the Lord reminded me that just yesterday i allowed a turkey club sandwich (from Arcata Pizza and Deli, for those of you who know...) to come between marc and me...it was MY leftover sandwich that i wanted to save for later but marc was still hungry and couldn't believe that i wouldn't offer it to him. (you have to know that i didn't know he was still hungry, he hoped that i would offer it.) still, my selfish little heart wanted to save that sandwich so i could eat it later and that dang sandwich ended up being another brick in the wall that erected itself between us yesterday. how did that happen? at the end of the day, we talked the wall down again (until 1:00am...can we say 'sleep deprived?') but once again, marc has become the mirror that reflects the true heart within me.

all in all, i would say it's been a successful day. The Lord spoke to us as a community, humbled us before one another, and knitted our hearts together a little bit tighter than they were yesterday. ...we removed the old propane heater from our cabin and have begun prepping it for the wood stove. i cooked lunch for the community, updated the ministry mailing list, called 5 towing companies in an attempt to have a newly abandoned van removed from our property, and started a blog. i'm just glad it's friday. maybe tomorrow marc and i will watch march of the penguins or maybe he'll keep working on the cabin. either way, i'm stoked it's the weekend.